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Quotes
15/08/2009 - "I'd be scoring lots more if i wasn't paying in a
shit team"
(D.Boyd wins the prize for best excuse for being dismissed cheaply)
15/08/2009 - "I remember you hitting one of those 5 years
ago"
(A.Siddiqui reminds rast that its been a while since he pulled a ball
for four")
01/08/2009 - "F**cking Bas**rd Tos***g get on with it and
shut up!"
(Giddly is told off by Spoff's skipper after the kiwi tells on him)
01/08/2009 - "F**k off back to New Zealand"
(I.Giddings proves he still cares by upsetting Spoff's kiwi)
01/08/2009 - "He's fat, he's old, he cannot bat or bowl
....Andy Wood, Andy Wood"
(D.Boyd musically sums up the former skippers current predicament)
11/07/2009 - "Try put yourself in to MY body....You'd easily fit into it!"
(Pj responds to A.Woods explanation to the skipper as to why its hard
for him to bowl without warming up first)
11/07/2009 - "Mate, i miss you too, your beautiful smile,
dark eyes, your wit and charm"
(M.Wood misunderstands A.Siddiqui's text stating that he will be missed
at Saturday's game)
11/07/2009 - "Someone 25 years junior to you has been put
on to bowl before you"
(A.Siddiqui warns A.Wood that his ownhill slide is now vertical"
11/07/2009 - "If anyone asks, tell them i've been in a fight"
(Sidd decides hide that his injury was caused by fitting into shoes that
were far too small)
11/07/2009 - "The cripples been sent in before me"
(D.Bird is amazed to see the injured A.Siddiqui go in before him)
11/07/2009 - “Not bad for a number 9”
(D Bird makes his point after stroking a 6 in his unfamiliar batting
position)
11/07/2009 - "Is that out or is it a six Dave"
(A Wood asks the umpire to clarify after D Boyd
takes a catch and then throws the ball to Wetherby)
04/07/2009 - "Keep your f**king mouth shut"
(A.Siddiqui verbally attacks his Fenton arch enemy)
04/07/2009 - "I thought we were bad fielders in our day"
(John Wood commentates on Siddiqui's comical fielding effort)
04/07/2009 - "This is f**king abysmal"
(R.Love screams at A.Siddiqui as his run out attempt goes horribly
wrong)
20/06/2009 - "If you can't flippin run then just hit the damn thing"
(Yvonne shows her disgust at A.Woods abilily to run)
20/06/2009 - "Atleast i was playing"
(D.Boyd fires back at S.Fishers comment comparing A.Siddiqui's huge
six to one that was hit off Boydy in the cup match)
20/06/2009 - "I don't think Birdy's big hits will reach the fielder at long
off"
(S.Fisher explains that D.Bird will be safe as he middles a ball that land well
short of the fielder on the 20 yard boundary)
13/06/2009 - "If i had left it, it would have been a wide"
(PJ leaves the scorers concerned about his
sanity after being bowled out)
13/06/2009 - "I'm old and fat..NOOOO!!"
(S.Fisher speaks on behalf of A.Wood as he
refuses N.Shetty's cry for a second run)
13/06/2009 - "He looks like a tin of custard"
(umpire Cliff Thacker is less than impressed with Rob’s bright yellow
cap)
13/06/2009 - "What the f**k!"
(Barwick players greet the arrival of black sock wearing
N Shetty
to the crease)
13/06/2009 - "ON YOUR WAY SUNSHINE!!"
(A normally mild mannered A Siddiqui bawls out the departing batsman
who is merely trying to come to terms with the shocking decision he’s just received)
13/06/2009 - "He's trying to park one of these planes"
(A Wood points out that the umpires gesticulations in trying to reverse
a decision could easily confuse one of the pilots in the many jets descending into
Leeds/Bradford)
13/06/2009 - "Your boots are too small, no wonder you can't run"
(Jo gets to the bottom of A Wood’s problem, overlooking 2 knackered
knees and a 16 stone heaving carcass)
06/06/2009 - "And you can put what you want on the F**cking
website but i didnt say anything"
(M.Wood screams girlishly as A.Siddiqui after being bowled by one
that kept low)
06/06/2009 - "thats Rob's second contribution to today's
comedy"
(A.Wood is unimpressed as he witnesses Rob's pets take a dump on the
square"
06/06/2009 - "Where the bloody hell has that gone?!"
(A confused Malc can’t believe that the catch didn’t stick in his glue like grip)
06/06/2009 - “Bloody hell, I have to run up through what Pecker’s
about to let go out of his arse”
(A Wood doubts pecker’s bravery against the quick bowling)
30/05/2009 - "Don't bowl short. He wont forget you and
we have to play them again"
(A.Siddiqui advises Pecker that bowling aggressively was not in his
best interests)
30/05/2009 - "I don't care who gets hit as long as it's
not me!"
(Pecker explains his number one priority to the boys whilst watchin
Hercules")
30/05/2009 - "There’s something about facing quick bowling that makes
you feel good”
(A.Wood decides that facing Hercules was fun (after he
was out)
30/05/2009 -
“Not for me there f******g isn’t
(S.Wood ch0oses to disagree to A.Wood's earlier comment)
30/05/2009 -
“At least I stopped the f*****g thing!”
(R Winn explains his appalling shy at the stumps off his
own bowling by pointing out to A Wood/Siddiqui that they have no grounds for merriment)
30/05/2009 - "Forty!! He was groaning like an eighty year
old"
(Umpire Dave Morley is unimpressed by A.Wood's fitness levels)
23/05/2009 -“I’ve been looking forward to teas all afternoon
as I didn’t get any dinner …… and they serve up this scabby shit!”
(A Wood decides that 2 dry sandwiches and a sausage roll with no filling, probably
won’t hit the spot)
23/05/2009 -
“You wouldn’t even see that in an Infant’s School”
(A Wood moans to anyone who’ll listen about A Siddiqui’s slight lapse in concentration)
16/05/2009 - "The bowlers clapping Birdy's four. He's celebrating
a milestone for him..his first ever boundary"
(A.Wood mocks D.Bird's rather slow approach to the game)
16/05/2009 - "Hes pulled his arm out of its socket trying
to whack that but it still didn't reach the boundary"
(Pecker taunts D.Bird from the safety of the boundary edge)
16/05/2009 - "Lets keep a distance of half the ground away
from PJ so we dont have to listen to him moan about his wicket"
(M.Wood cunningly plans a way out of listening to a PJ tantrum)
16/05/2009 - “Untuck your shirt mate, you have a really
big arse”
( A Wood ruins A Siddiqui’s new found athletic confidence)
09/05/2009 - “If Pecker hadn’t bowled, we would have won”
(Nessie explains
the reason of the hall failure to A.Siddiqui, only to realise that a horrified Pecker
had heard every word)
09/05/2009 -
“PJ, my job for you today is to sledge the opposition all day!!!...Rast,
you’re not the captain”
(PJ explains to the former captain that his orders hold no weight
under the new regime)
09/05/2009 - "The last time i heard a noise like that was when two hedgehogs
were shagging in my garden"
(PJ makes
a comparison with Gannon’s panting whilst running)
09/05/2009 - “Me mam says, ‘If you’ve nowt nice to say
then don’t say anything”
(R Winn explains why he’s not talking to I Giddings)
09/05/2009 - “What did you cut
these with, a bacon slicer?”
( D Bird wonders how A Siddiqui managed to get 35 slices out of one Swiss
Roll)
02/05/2009 - "Whats the flippin point of having covers
if we don't even use them"
(M.Wood blaming the pitch for his downfall???....surely not!!)
02/05/2009 - "Does frowning use more muscles than smiling?...Well
if thats the case then Rast must have some seriously powerful jaw muscles"
(PJ answers A.Siddiqui's question with a classic example)
02/05/2009 -
“Bowling downhill plays havoc with my length”. “Try bowling with your hand
then”
( T Quirke offers some advice on how A Wood might improve)
25/04/2009 - “It’s the strongest part of my game”
( M Follos reveals his expert skill levels in sitting on the bench reading
the paper)
25/04/2009 -
“They can’t play on hard tracks”
( D Boyd explains why Chads are struggling at 28 for 6 and will probably lose
the game)
25/04/2009 - “I can just see you smashing the bowler
back over his head”
(A Wood shares his wisdom with A.Siddiqui moments before he edges one to gully
going for a big hit)
25/04/2009 - “You confused me with your advice”
(A Siddiqui blames A Wood for his inept dismissal)
25/04/2009 - “Are you going to contribute anything to
this game then?” ….”Yes, Passion!!”
(A.Siddiqui answers D.Boyd’s confidence shattering question)
25/04/2009 - “Did that ball stop a bit mate?.....Yeah
but I’m not allowed to f***ing say anything without being criticised am I!”
(M.Wood has a well known tantrum shortly after being dismissed”)
25/04/2009 - “It’s not a burger Sidd”
(M.Addyman taunts A.Siddiqui after he races to fetch the ball)
25/04/2009 - “It’s just natural”
(T.Quirke explains his expertly time glance for four to his overawed team mates)
25/04/2009 - “He hasn’t gone to any bl**dy residential,
he’s gone to meet his gay lover”
(M.Addyman refuses to accept R.Winns reason of absence)
25/04/2009 - “He’s probably dyed his body hair to fit
in with the farm animals and he’s probably rogering them as we speak! "
(M.Addyman shares another thought as to why R.Winn might have jibbed)
25/04/2009 - “Ah, its just like watching the seconds”
(M.Follos points out the similarities betweens the club’s two teams as the
batting collapse begins)
18/04/2009 - “I’m dying to call him a fat b*st*rd but look at the
size of MY gut”
(A Wood thinks of an insult to throw at Fenton’s Aussie, only
to spot the obvious flaw in his plan)
18/04/2009 -
“You f*****g muppets!”
(A Wood bemoans getting out for 99
after his team mates had already congratulated him on a century (and then changed
their minds)
11/04/2009 - "This time last year, YOU were
a bowler"
(A.Siddiqui taunts A.Wood as his ten year stint
as opening bowler comes to an end under the new regime)
26/03/2009 - "While
i was down, i kept thinking, .. 'why are they all laughing??, its not funny!'.."
(A confused Pecker recalls his thoughts
whilst being in agony after being hit in the privates by an A.Challenger delivery)
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